Why Most Husbands Aren't Romantic Anymore
By Jimmy Sliwa
It happens to all marriages.
Romance starts strong and then… fizzles out.
I think it happens somewhere between the “I Do’s” and a man’s first poop with the door left open.
It’s as if we win the bride and no longer care about making a good impression.
I know it’s easy to blame our busy work schedule or not being able to find a babysitter; but quite frankly, all of our excuses stink.
The truth is, romantic gestures don’t magically appear at the start of a relationship, and they certainly don’t evaporate because of a few life changes.
While it’s easy to point fingers at external factors, the real problem lies within the subconscious mindset of many husbands.
- The Subconscious Mindset: Romance is a phase, not a lifelong pursuit.
The Comfort Trap
As time goes on, husbands often fall into the trap of comfort.
It’s common for marriages to become predictable and comfortable. While comfort is important, it can be a double-edged sword.
The very thing that made a relationship exciting – the thrill of the unknown – becomes a routine.
What men often forget is that attraction thrives in the unknown. It’s about keeping that spark alive.
When husbands stop putting effort into their appearance, conversations, and small gestures, they inadvertently let the emotional connection drift.
When we let routine dominate our lives it’s easy to have the romance fade.
The Transition from Courtship to Comfort
When we’re dating, we’re naturally inclined to impress one another. Every date is a chance to woo and every gesture is a statement of love.
But somewhere along the way, romance can begin to feel like an accessory; something ‘nice to have’ but not essential.
For me, I lost my romantic edge when I started having kids. I began to prioritize making money and raising my son. As a result, connection with my wife became a distant priority.
Like me, many husbands begin to think that their work, financial stability, or other commitments are the true demonstration of love.
But love needs more than just financial stability and commitment.
- Love needs attention.
- Love craves connection.
The reality is, your wife craves attention and connection from you!
Romance isn’t about grand gestures – it’s in the little things. A surprise note in a coat pocket, a spontaneous dinner out, or even remembering how she likes her coffee can do wonders for a marriage.
This is how you keep the flame burning.
The Burden of Expectation
Another issue is that romance often feels like a performance.
Most husbands feel they “should” be more romantic, but aren’t entirely motivated to pursue.
The societal expectations of the “perfect husband” can be overwhelming. I think Instagram has set unrealistic expectations on men. The lavish proposals and extravagant vacations are creating a false standard that many men feel pressured to meet.
Rather than spontaneous gestures, they wait for a special occasion or a prodding from their wife.
But this isn’t just about fulfilling a quota. Romance is a language of love, and it’s meant to be fluid, not formulaic.
The pressure to be the perfect romantic partner can actually stifle genuine affection, making it feel like a task rather than a natural expression of care.
But romancing your wife should be a habit not a hassle.
This can be accomplished by rekindling the romance through small baby steps.
How to Rekindle Romance
It’s not too late. There are small, simple ways to reignite that spark without needing to carve out elaborate plans or huge financial investments.
Start by prioritizing undistracted time together.
This could be a walk around the block after dinner or a long drive on a lazy Sunday. Aim to connect by holding hands, asking deep questions, and giving compliments.
Be playful. Be a little spontaneous. Crack a few jokes.
But most importantly, keep things simple.
Don’t let the routine or societal expectations take away your pursuit toward your wife.
Just aim to be the man your wife agreed to marry.
When you do, you’ll realize that the romance wasn’t ever really lost – it just needed to be polished off.
A Life Long Pursuit
Like living a healthy lifestyle, romance is a lifelong pursuit.
It’s important to remember whatever you water grows. When you pursue your wife, your connection grows. When you get preoccupied with other priorities, your connection suffers.
It is really that simple.
Husband and wife were created for connection. This is marriages life-long pursuit.
If you feel that your marriage has become stale, perhaps this is because the connection has faded.
Go back to the basics and pursue your wife with intentionality. Keep things simple and aim for consistency. Don’t get overwhelmed with grand gestures or fall for the trap that it will take a lot of money.
Sure, it may not come naturally, but it the end she is still worth fighting for.
