Master Her Love Language to Knock Date Nights Out of the Park
By Jimmy Sliwa
If you are married and don’t know your wife’s love language, you are navigating marriage blindly. Everyone has a love language; it’s not just reserved for women.
For most guys the term “love language” sounds a bit feminine or abstract, but understanding your wife’s love language can give you some serious advantages to having a healthy relationship.
Basically, a love language is the way in which you express and receive love. This can come in a variety of ways, but thanks to bestselling author Gary Chapman he has broken them down into 5 categories.
The 5 Love Languages
Words of Affirmation.
This language uses uplifting words to encourage and affirm other people. For these people words carry a very deep meaning. Example: “Wow Renee, your presentation was stellar; I admire your confidence.”
Acts of Service.
This languages uses actions to demonstrate your care for others. These people feel value when love is demonstrated through action. Examples: Doing the laundry to serve your spouse cause she typically does it.
Receiving Gifts.
This language uses gifts to express your thoughtfulness. The value of the gift does not matter as much as how thoughtful the gift is. Example: An unexpected delivery of flowers.
Quality Time
This language is all about time spent with your significant other. The key is time has to be quality, meaning good conversation. Examples: Staying up late to talk about future dreams while munching on popcorn.
Touch
This language uses touch to convey love. A pat on the back, frequent hugs, or holding hands to demonstrate your affection to your spouse. The key is to perform loving and gentle touches, not always sexual advances.
My wife’s primary love language is quality time with a capital Q. It seems simple enough — spend time with wifey and she will be happy.
Sort of.
Yes, she wants time with me, but if I fail to emphasize QUALITY then I fail to reach her heart.
For Anna, quality time does not include watching movies while I scroll through the news. Nor does it involve waiting until the kids go to bed to start planning the date night. She (needs) to see that I have put forethought into date night. She also needs my undivided attention.
That’s why I will always choose to sit with my back to the television when we go out to eat at a sports bar. Last week I missed the NCAA national football championship game because I was preoccupied by the beauty in front of me. I was intentional to remove all distractions so that I could give Anna the quality time that she deserves. Touchdown!
Her second primary love language is gifts. She has made it clear that it is not extravagant and expensive gifts, but rather thoughtful gestures that mean the most.
Unexpected flowers or coffee in the morning speaks volumes to my wife. I do not have to go way out of my way to get her gifts I simply have to listen to her and study her wants.
The most recent example I can think of was when I bought her a Ring Doorbell because I heard her talk about how she didn’t like being home alone. She would never answer the door if she didn’t know who was knocking. These hints and the fact that she point-blank told me she wanted a Ring doorbell (hahaha) spurred me to surprise her with an early Christmas present. She was surprised to see a gift waiting on the table on a random Monday morning.
The point is that I heard her and wanted to bless her even when she wasn’t expecting it. The purpose of this post is not to give myself a thumbs up.
The purpose of this post is to help you realize that knowing your wife’s love language is the key to leaving her speechless again. You can take your wife on dates or you can knock date night out of the park!
They say that communication is a whopping 93% non-verbal. This means that so much of expressing your love does not come from your words alone.
Expressing love is shown through words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and touch. If you don’t know her love language, then you might be missing her heart all together. You don’t want that, and she certainly doesn’t want that either!
If you cannot rattle off your wife’s top two love languages right now, then you have some studying to do.
Or better yet make it a date night.
Tips to Prioritize Your Wife's Love Language When out to Dinner
Sit with Your back to the Television
Don’t let yourself be distracted by the football game. Sit with your back to the distractions so that you will give your wife your focus.
Hold her hand at the dinner table
Option 1 Under the table.
Option 2. On top of the table hand hold.
Turn the Phone on Airplane Mode
Turn your phone on airplane mode. Stuff it in your pocket and don’t take it out for the entirety of dinner. The phone is a distraction that needs to get eliminated..
Compliment your Wife's Outfit
“Your Hair Looks So Voluminous!”
“You Smell like like 1,000 roses.”
“Wow, those jeans make your legs look great!”
open the Car Door.
Sometimes considered a gesture of the past, opening the door is actually chivalrous. Your wife will notice this subtle gesture as a sign you are serving her on this date. Just do it!
Ask Intentional Questions (and actively listen)
Active listening is the practice of repeating back what you hear. If you hear your wife talk about her emotions repeat them back. Example: “I didn’t realize how stressed you were that the kids are sick again. That is tough even for a great mom like you.”
