Table Etiquette for Men
By Jimmy Sliwa
It’s embarrassing and happens every time I eat with my in-laws!
I’m sitting down for a nice meal with extended family and I’m the first one finished!
Like some ravenous dog, I have polished off my plate before my father -in -law has even taken a bite of the main entree.
This creates an awkward dillemma….go for a second helping or sit, staring at each other with nothing to occupy my hands?
The worst is when someone at the table says “wow, you must have been really hungry!” Yikes!
Why Table Manners Matter
While the consequences of poor table manners won’t cause serious damage to your relationships it can make you look like a buffoon.
And no one wants to feel out of place in front of family or friends.
But, beyond your self-image, table manners matter because they reflect respect and consideration for those around us. Good manners create an environment of civility and comfort, making the dining experience pleasant for everyone at the table.
Gathering around a table to eat is a staple for all cultures. In fact meal times are one of the best opportunities for families to connect with one another.
Practicing good table etiquette demonstrates social awareness and an understanding of cultural norms. It also promotes the art of conversation as people can enjoy meals together without distractions or discomfort.
Ultimately, table manners are a sign of respect for the people you share a meal with. Respect will never go out of style.
Good etiquette isn’t just about following a set of rules—it’s about creating a pleasant dining experience for everyone involved.
Here’s your go-to guide for mastering table etiquette like a true gentleman, including specific dos and don’ts to make you look your best.
Know the Setting: Formal or Informal?
Before the evening begins, you want to know who you will be dining with. This will allow you to be prepared for the evening.
For formal settings, you may need to dress the part and be prepared for a social event after. It’s always best to show up on time and dress nice. Looking presentable will give you the confidence to enjoy the evening.
For less formal settings, appearance may not matter as much but good manners still apply. As I stated earlier, manners are a sign of respect and true gentlemen always gives respect to their hosts.
Whether it’s a formal or informal dining experience these Rules Will Always Apply:
- Acknowledge the Host: Thank the host for preparing the meal and give them a compliment (i.e. you have a lovely home/ wow dinner smells great)
- Say please and thank-you: Be polite and respectful by saying your please and thank you appropriately.
- No Cell Phones: Be present with the guests at the table. Don’t check the football scores or emails during the evening.
- Clean Up After Yourself: Your host already went through the work to prepare the meal. Be sure to clean up after yourself as a sign of respect for all the hard work that went in to creating a dish.
9 Table Etiquette Rules for Men
1. Let the Ladies Dish Up First
I know you are hungry but relax; there is plenty of food for everyone.
When it comes to serving food, let the ladies dish up first. This gesture of respect acknowledges their presence and sets a courteous tone for the meal. Additionally, be mindful of portion sizes. Be considerate while dishing up that you don’t take the last roll! You should be aware that there is enough food for everyone who may be dishing up after you.
2. Consider your Portion Size
A common mistake when dishing up is to cram the plate with mounding proportions. Don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach. Plate your food appropriately, avoiding mixing food together, and mounding food like a tower.
It would be better to go for a second helping rather than leave a bunch of leftover, uneaten food sitting on your plate.
3. Use Utensils Properly
Utensils are tools with a specific purpose. Knives are for cutting not spearing and bowls are not for drinking. While this may seem like common knowledge, I have seen people take their knife and use it for pointing or gesturing; not a good thing (and slightly dangerous)!
For American-style dining, hold your fork in your left hand and cut your food with the knife in your right. After cutting enough of the meal, set down the knife and switch the fork to your right hand to eat. For Continental-style, which is more common in Europe, keep your fork in your left hand and knife in your right throughout the meal. Eat bites as you cut the food.
Remember, never spear your food aggressively or scrape your plate—it should be a smooth and quiet action.
4. Avoid Reaching Across the Table
If you need something, like the salt or a bread roll, never reach across the table. Instead, politely ask for it to be passed to you. Reaching over other plates and glasses disrupts the flow of the meal and can lead to spills. Keep your movements within your immediate dining space to show consideration for others.
5. Mind Your Posture
Your body language speaks even when your mouth is silently chewing. Sit up straight and avoid slouching or leaning on the table. This shows attentiveness and poise. As for elbow on the table. No elbows on the table while you are eating, but it is ok for you to use elbows on the table when engaging in conversation.
6. Pace Yourself
One of the most common mistakes men make is eating too quickly. Take smaller bites, chew thoroughly, and take time to enjoy the meal and the company. Wait until everyone at the table has been served before starting to eat, and try to match your pace to the rest of the group. Remember, the goal is to finish around the same time as others to avoid awkwardly waiting or rushing.
Never talk with your mouth full, and if someone asks you a question mid-bite, take a moment to chew and swallow before answering.
7. The Napkin: Use It Right
As soon as you sit down, place your napkin on your lap (formal setting only). When needing to clean off your face, use it to gently blot (not wipe) your mouth as needed. If you need to leave the table temporarily, place the napkin on your seat—not on the table. At the end of the meal, lay it loosely to the left of your plate. A well-used napkin shows that you’re aware of and attentive to keeping the dining experience clean and pleasant.
8. Respecting the Host and Setting
If you’re a guest, always wait for the host to start eating first, as this signals that the meal has begun. If you’re hosting, set a good example by politely indicating when it’s time to begin. And if you’re in a restaurant, acknowledge the server with eye contact and a quiet “thank you” when they serve or clear your plates.
9. Handling the Bill Gracefully
If you’re out on a date or hosting, assume responsibility for the bill. A subtle way to handle this is to excuse yourself toward the end of the meal and speak privately to the waiter, ensuring it’s taken care of before the awkward “who pays” moment arises. If you’re out with friends, offer to split, but respect the group’s wishes if there’s a different arrangement. The key is to approach it with confidence and tact.
Final Thoughts
Mastering table etiquette isn’t just about memorizing a set of rules—it’s about showing respect and making everyone around you feel comfortable. It’s the small gestures—a well-timed compliment, a pulled-out chair, a napkin placed correctly—that elevate an ordinary meal to an extraordinary experience. The next time you find yourself at a dining table, remember, it’s not just about what’s on your plate, but about how you conduct yourself that makes you a true gentleman.
By practicing these tips, you’ll not only impress her but also set a high standard for everyone around you. After all, a man with impeccable table manners is a man worth noticing.
