Should Married Men Have Female Friends?
By Jimmy Sliwa
Should married men have female friends?
It’s a good question to ask yourself, and honestly a question I never considered before marriage.
Before I got married, I had female friends. I hung out with them, texted them, and in some instances was flirtatious.
When you are single, it’s good to have female friends. This is how you become comfortable with half of the earth’s population.
But is the same true after you get married?
Should Married Men Have Female Friends?
As in many areas of marriage, the answer is –> it depends.
Every marriage is unique and needs to be handled with individual care, but some aspects of marriage are just wise.
There may not be a universal answer to this question, but certainly some choices are wiser than others.
Cutting to the chase…
>>>It is my belief that once you are married, your female friendships must change. Within the confines of a healthy marriage, all friendships with the opposite sex must now be protected by boundaries.<<<
What Do I Mean By Boundaries?
Boundaries are non-negotiable, pre-determined limits to what a person is willing to accept.
Like guardrails that keep you on the road, relationship boundaries protect you from going over the edge. If you want to maintain female friendships after you get married, then you need to establish some clear-cut boundaries.
For starters, some healthy boundaries with female friends are:
- No texting / messaging female friends
- No deleting messages from female friends
- No drinking with female friends
- No spending time alone with female friends
Sure, some may argue this smacks of sexism and chauvinism, but protecting your marriage is never chauvinistic. It’s wise!
We are human and subject to temptation. For men, this temptation is often sexual temptation.
Am I suggesting that you will be tempted to have sexual relations with your female friends?
Not exactly…but it’s possible; especially if you’re guard is down.
In fact, the majority of adultery is committed by people that you know and are close friends with.
So, in order to safeguard yourself against egregious sins like infidelity, you need boundaries with your female friends.
If you create healthy and firm boundaries, you can actually enjoy friendships more fully.
What Are Healthy Boundaries with Members of the Opposite Sex?
1. No Calling or Texting Female Friends
There are very few reasons why you would need to call or text your female friends. If you must call or text them, include your wife in the message. The last thing you want to do is get in the habit of having private conversations with a close friend. One rule for me is that I include my wife in all conversations with members of the opposite sex. This keeps her in the loop whenever I need to message a friend.
2. No Being Alone With Female Friends
The best way to hang out with your female friends is in a group setting and preferably with your wife. You should not spend time alone with female friends. One-on-one time creates too much opportunity for personal conversations, and personal conversation should be reserved for you and your wife. If you still want to hang out with female friends, be sure to do so in a group setting.
3. No Drinking With Female Friends
Drinking impairs your judgement. For this simple reason, you should not drink with female friends. Play it safe and avoid drinking alcohol if you are hanging out with the opposite sex. It’s the wise thing to do.
4. Cut Ties With Past Girlfriends
You broke up with them for a reason. Don’t let past relationships survive after you have become married. It’s time to cut ties and let the old relationships die. Beside, you wouldn’t want your wife being close friends with her ex-boyfriend; so why would you keep your exes around?
5. Never Delete Messages To or From From Female Friends
If you have nothing to hide, then there is no reason to delete messages to and from female friends. My wife and I actually have a rule that we are allowed to look through each other’s phones. Not because we are snooping, but because there is nothing to hide. Make it a habit to keep all messages from female friends.
Conclusion:
The only way that a married man should have female friends is if he has healthy boundaries established.
Boundaries are the only way to safeguard your heart against temptation from members of the opposite sex. Although some may say boundaries controlling, they are actually wise decisions that can save you from committing egregious sins like infidelity.
If you want to maintain your female friendships after marriage you need to make a list of personal boundaries.
When you are making your list of boundaries be sure to include your wife. She will appreciate your willingness to prioritize her and your marriage.
