Read This if Your Marriage is Stale
By Jimmy Sliwa
Stale relationships are everywhere. Regardless of age or status, stale relationships are something that every marriage experiences. It’s ok to have a stagnant marriage, but it’s not ok to do nothing about it.
Marriages are complex. Anytime two people from different backgrounds and beliefs unite, things will get a little chaotic. The chaos will inevitably result in highs and lows. The highs of the wedding day are met by the lows of a financial fight.
But there is a middle ground that no marriage should be rooted in, the stagnant ground.
A stagnant marriage looks a lot like an apathetic husband that goes to work and then hits the gym before he plops down in front of the tv for the night. This husband probably hints (in not-so-subtle ways) that he wants to have sex, but his wife may not be interested in sex due to the lack of emotional intimacy. The monotony of life stifles all motivation for improving his closest relationships.
A stagnant marriage also looks like a wife that has expectations that her husband might bring home flowers or leave a note out of the blue. Unfortunately, nothing materializes. With mundane days multiplying and no romance in sight, she tends to check out with a reality show rather than engage in spontaneity.
Stale relationships are a result of expectations not meeting reality. They are a byproduct of repeated complacency.
I have been there. While I dated my wife, I would have cart-wheeled across the park if I thought she would be impressed. The sad reality is that the longer I was married, the less intentional I became. I never stopped loving my wife, but I didn’t love her in the way that she needed it. The love that she craved I failed to deliver.
Who is to blame for a stale marriage? Well, no one in particular. Marriage is a complex dance between a man and a woman. It takes two to tango.
Yes, it is true that it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to lead. This means that one spouse has the choice to stop the stale relationship. It can be the wife or the husband who gets the ball rolling. But since this is The Husband’s Club and we are passionate about men being leaders, we suggest the husband makes the first move.
It is not easy to refresh a stale relationship. Even the thought of putting in a one-sided effort can be daunting. It’s easy to point your finger to scrutinize your wife’s flaws or say things like “she isn’t doing _____.”
But the first order of business to stop the stale relationship is to take ownership. Take ownership and then take action.
The best analogy is to picture fanning a flame that has dwindled. By fanning the flame, you are providing fuel for the fire. Oxygen is an integral part of fire. You cannot have a fire without oxygen. So, begin by giving your relationship oxygen.
Practically speaking, this looks like serving your wife. You can serve her compliments, or you can serve her by doing household chores. Heck you can even serve her a home cooked meal. It is not so much what you do, it’s more a matter that you work hard to show your appreciation for your wife.
If you need a first step, we have you covered.
Below is a BINGO table that gets you rolling in the right direction. Pick 5 in a row and complete all of them in one day!
***An important note is that you must serve beyond the ordinary.***
Some men excuse themselves by thinking that going to work and providing for their wife is enough. It is not enough. Your wife needs to be nurtured and not just provided for. Yes, provision is the foundation, but sometimes you have to move past the foundation and build a roof over your heads.
I am confident that with small and consistent service, your marriage will fan into a flame that consumes all the stale air out of the relationship.
