10 Marriage Non-Negotiables
By Jimmy Sliwa
Before I met my wife, she wrote out a list of non-negotiable qualities she was looking for in a mate.
This proved to be a terrific idea—it helped her weed out the dweebs and find a man worth his salt. Me!
Among her list were things like Faith in God and Healthy Relationship with Family.
The cool thing? I met all of her non-negotiables except one: No debt.
Lucky for me, she gave me a pass because my debt was from student loans and not consumer debt. Phew!
Why Make a List of Non-Negotiables?
They say love is blind. This means that people often look past red flags and compromise on their values because they are love struck.
Writing out a list of non-negotiables is a powerful way to gain clarity and direction in a relationship. This clarity can protect you.
It helps you avoid compromising on core values and can prevent future heartache by highlighting red flags early in the dating stage.
What Are Non-Negotiables?
Non-negotiables are core values and character traits that you are unwilling to compromise on in a relationship. These aren’t superficial preferences—they’re the bedrock of a strong and lasting marriage.
If a non-negotiable is broken, it’s often a sign that the relationship may be in serious trouble—or even headed for collapse.
🛑Important distinction:
Wants are preferences—like hair color, music taste, or hobbies.
Non-negotiables are dealbreakers—like honesty, respect, and shared values.
Non-negotiables are the guardrails that protect your heart, your values, and your future marriage. They help you walk confidently through dating and married life with wisdom and peace.
10 Marriage Non-Negotiables (Concrete and Clear)
1. No Flirting with the Opposite Sex
Playful banter or emotional attention to someone outside your marriage is a hard no. If your partner needs validation from others, that’s a red flag.
2. No Excessive Consumer Debt
Student loans? Understandable. But if someone is addicted to spending, maxing out credit cards, and financing things they can’t afford—that’s financial recklessness, not a foundation for a stable future.
3. Cut All Ties with Old Flames
You shouldn’t be texting your ex or keeping them around “just in case.” Emotional leftovers have no place in a committed marriage.
4. Shared Faith and Moral Compass
You don’t have to agree on every theological detail, but if your values and worldview are fundamentally different, expect major conflict—especially when raising kids.
5. No Abuse of Any Kind
This includes physical, emotional, verbal, or psychological abuse. If someone shows controlling behavior, rage issues, or manipulative tactics—get out. Love should never hurt.
6. Willingness to Go to Counseling if Needed
Marriage gets hard. If they refuse counseling out of pride, that’s a problem. Growth and healing require humility.
7. Healthy Relationships with Family and Friends
If they constantly badmouth their parents or isolate you from your people, pay attention. How they treat their community is a glimpse into your future.
8. Consistent Work Ethic
No ambition? No drive? Long-term laziness leads to resentment. Marriage requires effort—emotionally, financially, and relationally.
9. Commitment to Sexual Integrity
Porn, sexting, or inappropriate messages cross the line. Fidelity isn’t just physical—it’s mental, digital, and emotional.
10. No Secrets
A healthy marriage is built on trust and full transparency. Hidden finances, secret conversations, or “I just didn’t tell you because…” are toxic habits that erode intimacy and safety.
Final Thought
Take the time to define your marriage non-negotiables.
Whether you’re single, dating, or already married, these principles serve as a compass to help you build a marriage that is not just bearable—but built to last.
