Your Not Allowed to Not Have An Opinion
By Jimmy Sliwa
I was binge listening to Dave Ramsey talk about budgeting with your spouse and something he said stuck with me.
“When making a budget, neither the husband or wife is allowed to not have an opinion.”
He went on to explain that when one person takes a hands-off approach to the budget, it puts all the pressure on the other spouse. It’s not partnership—it’s passive. And over time, that kind of dynamic leads to resentment and disconnection.
That’s when I had a lightbulb moment!
This principle doesn’t just apply to money. It applies to everything in marriage.
When both voices are heard, respected, and involved—you build something stronger. Together.
You might think you’re being agreeable, easygoing, or keeping the peace when you say “I don’t care.”
But here’s the principle to live by:
You’re not allowed to not have an opinion.
Because she doesn’t want a roommate.
She wants a partner.
That “whatever you want, babe” attitude might seem kind, but in reality, it shifts the entire mental load to your wife. Now she has to make every decision, carry all the stress, and constantly wonder if you’re truly indifferent—or just checked out.
Spoiler alert: indifference isn’t romantic. It’s exhausting.
Let’s Break It Down With Real Life Examples
💰 In the Budget
Saying “you’re better at money” and stepping back isn’t helpful — it’s dodging responsibility. Even if she is more financially savvy, you still need to show up, ask questions, and offer input.
Budgeting is about shared priorities.
You don’t need a finance degree to say:
“Hey, I think we should cut back on takeout,”
or “Let’s save for that vacation next summer.”
🎨 In Home Design
When she’s spending hours choosing between navy and forest green for the living room wall, she’s not looking for a shrug.
She’s looking for a teammate.
Even if interior design isn’t your thing, she wants to know you care about the home you’re building together.
Try:
“I like the navy — it feels calming.”
or “Can we find something lighter? I want the room to feel brighter.”
👨👩👧 In Parenting
This one’s critical.
“Ask your mom” is not a parenting strategy. You’re not a backup — you’re a father. Your kids need your voice, your guidance, your presence.
If your wife’s deciding on screen time, discipline, or school choices — don’t check out.
Jump in. Talk through it.
Share your instincts, your concerns, and your hopes for your kids.
Why We Avoid It
Sometimes we convince ourselves that being passive is respectful.
“She knows better.”
“I just want her to be happy.”
But if we’re honest?
Most of the time, it’s just easier.
Easier to avoid conflict. Easier to skip the effort. Easier to sit back.
But marriage isn’t about easy.
It’s about engagement.
And showing up with your thoughts — even when they’re different — is a form of love.
You Don’t Have to Be Right — Just Present
No one’s asking you to be an expert. You’re allowed to say, “I’m not sure.”
But don’t stop there.
Say:
“I’m not sure, but here’s what I’m thinking.”
That’s leadership.
That’s love.
That’s maturity.
Step Up in the Small Things
Leadership isn’t about calling all the shots — it’s about showing up consistently.
Try these simple swaps:
Instead of “I don’t care,” say: “Here’s what I think — what about you?”
Instead of silence, bring an idea to the table.
Instead of ghosting during hard conversations, say: “Let’s figure it out together.”
Bottom Line?
Your wife married you — not a shrug, not a ghost, not a passive spectator.
She wants your voice.
Your thoughts.
Your care.
So stop sitting on the sidelines.
Lean in. Speak up. Be present.
Because in this club, you’re not allowed to not have an opinion.
💬 Want to lead with confidence, love, and intention?
Stick with us at The Husbands Club — where modern-day chivalry meets real-life manhood.
