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How to Set Boundaries with Parents Now That Your Married

By Jimmy Sliwa

My friend shared a big win with me yesterday.

His in-laws had just sold their house and were planning to live in an RV for the summer. With no permanent place to stay, they asked his wife if they could park the RV in their yard—for three months.

Now listen… I don’t care how much you love your in-laws—three months is a long time.

Not wanting to hurt her parents’ feelings, his wife asked him to tell a little white lie:

“Just say the landlord doesn’t allow RVs in the lot.”

That could’ve worked. It would’ve avoided the awkward conversation. But you know what Daniel did instead?

He set boundaries.

He picked up the phone and called his in-laws:

“I’m happy you guys sold your house and would love to have you visit—but parking in our yard for three months is too long. I’m afraid it would put too much strain on things. We’d gladly have you stay for 10 days.”

That a boy, Dan.

No excuses. No blame-shifting. No fake landlord story.

He just told the truth—with respect, clarity, and kindness.

And here’s the best part:
His in-laws were a little surprised at first, but ultimately, they respected his request.

And more importantly, his wife respected him for stepping up and taking initiative.

Because here’s the thing:
Boundaries aren’t about rejection—they’re about protection.

Daniel wasn’t shutting his in-laws out. He was protecting the peace and health of his home. And by doing so, he showed what it means to lead with both love and strength.

Getting married is one of life’s big transitions. You’re no longer just making decisions for yourself—you’re building a life with your partner. But sometimes, your parents (or in-laws) don’t quite get the memo.

For some it could be constant drop-ins, unsolicited advice, or comments about how they did things. Or perhaps it’s pressure to spend every holiday with them or judgment when you and your spouse do things differently.

Whatever it is, learning how to set healthy boundaries with your parents after marriage is key to protecting your marriage—and your peace.

Here’s how to do it, with love and confidence.

1. Understand That Priorities Shift—And That’s Okay

Once you’re married, your spouse becomes your primary family. That doesn’t mean you love your parents any less—it means you’re honoring the sacred commitment you made. If your parents expect the same access or influence they had before, kindly but clearly let them know your priorities have shifted.

Say this:
“I love you both, but [spouse’s name] and I need to make decisions together first.”

2. Be a United Front

Talk to your spouse about what boundaries you both want to set. Whether it’s handling holidays, visits, or how much advice you’re willing to receive, get on the same page. That way, when conversations with parents happen, you’re a team—not two individuals caught in the middle.

Pro tip: Don’t throw your spouse under the bus. Saying “Well, they don’t want to come over” creates division. Instead, say, “We decided…”

3. Set Clear (and Reasonable) Expectations

Don’t assume your parents know what’s appropriate. If you don’t want surprise visits, let them know. If you’re making your own holiday traditions, share that early. Be specific and respectful.

Example:
“We’ve decided to do Thanksgiving at home this year, just the two of us. We’d love to visit the weekend after!”

4. Handle In-Law Situations With Tact

Whether it’s your parents or your spouse’s, keep the boundary conversations within your own family. You should handle your parents; your spouse should handle theirs. It keeps things respectful and prevents unnecessary tension.

Remember: Criticizing your in-laws can hurt your spouse more than help your cause. Keep your boundaries firm, but your commentary gracious.

5. Don’t Overshare Your Marriage

Sometimes the best boundary is silence. Your parents don’t need to know every argument, every decision, or every detail of your relationship. Protect your spouse’s dignity. Not everything is up for discussion—especially when it comes to disagreements.

6. Expect Pushback—and Stay Grounded

Your parents might not love these changes. You might get guilt-tripped, questioned, or even hear the classic: “You’ve changed.” (Spoiler: You’re supposed to.) Stay firm. Setting boundaries is hard, but necessary.

You can say:
“We’re doing what’s best for our marriage. I hope you can respect that, even if you don’t fully agree.”

7. Leave Room for Love, Not Control

Boundaries aren’t about cutting people out—they’re about protecting what matters most. When parents know where the line is, it gives everyone space to enjoy the relationship without resentment.

Examples of Setting Boundaries With Parents

 

SITUATION 1: Unannounced Visits / Overstepping Physical Space

Use this when your parents/in-laws show up without notice or expect too much access to your home.

Script:

“Hey [Mom/Dad], I wanted to talk to you about something that’s important to [Spouse’s name] and me. We love spending time with you, but we’re also trying to protect our time together and create our own rhythm at home. Going forward, it would really help if we could plan visits ahead of time. We’re not trying to be distant—we just want to make sure we’re both fully present when we do spend time together.”

SITUATION 2: Unsolicited Advice or Interference in Marriage Decisions

Use this when your parents/in-laws give strong opinions about how you live, handle finances, parent, etc.

Script:

“We appreciate your experience and know you mean well. But [Spouse’s name] and I are working hard to make decisions that fit our values and our relationship. We may not always do things the same way you would, but we ask for your trust as we figure it out together. If we ever need advice, we promise we’ll ask.”

SITUATION 3: Holidays & Traditions Pressure

Use this when your family expects you to stick to old traditions, but you and your spouse want to do things differently.

Script:

“We’ve been talking a lot about how we want to handle holidays now that we’re married, and we’ve decided to start building a few of our own traditions. That might mean some changes this year. We love you and definitely still want to celebrate with you—just in a way that works for us, too. We hope you’ll support us as we find that balance.”

Bonus Tips for Delivery:

  • Use “we” statements to show unity with your spouse.

  • Speak with calm confidence—don’t over-explain or apologize too much.

  • If things get emotional, pause, validate their feelings, and redirect with love:

    “I know this is new, and I get that it might feel strange. But our heart is to keep the relationship strong—we’re not pulling away, just making room for something new.”

Final Thoughts

Marriage is a new chapter—not just for you, but for your parents too. The more you and your spouse prioritize your relationship and create healthy boundaries, the stronger your foundation will be. It’s not about choosing sides—it’s about choosing unity.

Boundaries might be uncomfortable at first, but they are one of the best gifts you can give your marriage. You’re building something sacred. Guard it well.

Boundaries aren't about rejection, they're about protection.