How to Love Like Christ Loves the Church
By Jimmy Sliwa
Would you take marriage advice from someone who has never been married?
Chances are you’d blow off their advice. I know I would!
What could someone with no marriage experience ever teach me about having a successful relationship?
In most cases you’d be correct. You shouldn’t take advice from someone without real life experience.
But then there is the trump card: Jesus!
Christ never married, nor did he raise a family. He never got into an argument with his wife and never had intimacy issues with a woman. He didn’t even have to argue over the budget.
Yet in Ephesians 5:25, Paul writes that Christ is our example as husbands.
He says this:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church”
– Ephesians 5:25-29 KJV
In direct words, Paul the Apostle commands husbands to love their wife like Christ. This is the standard for all husbands.
Why We Should Love Like Christ?
We should love our wife like Christ loves the church for two reasons:
1. God Invented Marriage
God invented marriage in the Garden of Eden. After creating the first man, God saw that Adam was lonely. To remedy this, God formed Eve from Adam’s rib to be his friend, lover, and helpmate.
“At last!” the man exclaimed. This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh!”
– Genesis 2:23
God gave marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve. They were created perfect for one another. Marriage was not designed for convenience nor was it created by any culture. Marriage was instituted by God.
As the inventor of marriage, God knows what’s under the hood. He knows two imperfect people cannot make a marriage work unless they both choose to die to themselves and serve one another.
Christ, the inventor of marriage, knew that husbands “ought to love his wife as his own body” because this sacrificial love will sustain marriage.
2. God’s Love Model’s Perfect Love
The second reason husbands should love their wife like Christ loved the church is because God’s love was the model of perfect love.
God and the church model the kind of unity, commitment, and unconditional love that marriage is meant to reflect. This intimate relationship demonstrates that true love is not merely a feeling, but an ongoing choice to prioritize the other person’s well-being above our own.
By loving our wives as Christ loves the church, we mirror this divine example, creating a marriage that honors God and thrives on selflessness and grace.
For this reason, husbands are called to love their wife like Christ loved the church.
Loving like Christ is a high calling, yet it’s the standard we are given in Scripture.
So how exactly does Christ love the Church?
How Does Christ Love the Church?
1. He Pursues Her
God didn’t create humans for his entertainment. He created us for relationship.
The God of the universe desires a deep relationship with the church. That is why He pursues us with intention.
Like the parable of leaving the 99 sheep to find the one lost sheep, Christ pursues each individual with an undying love.
Loving like Christ means pursuing your partner intentionally, even long after the initial excitement fades. This kind of love is active and purposeful, continually seeking ways to deepen the connection. It fights against complacency and seeks to find the good in your spouse.
How to Apply It:
- Make time for meaningful connection.
- Plan date nights, have deep conversations, or do activities that strengthen your bond.
- Show your wife that she is priority #1 by pursuing her with enthusiasm
2. He is Patient
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
– 2 Peter 3:9
“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
– 2 Peter 3:9
The Lord has no problem waiting for us. He eagerly waits for the time that we will choose Him. He doesn’t coerce and he doesn’t manipulate. He simple stays consistent to His character and then he waits for us to respond.
Christ’s patience with us is unwavering. He walks alongside us as we grow, understanding our flaws and extending grace in our imperfections.
How to Apply It:
- Practice responding calmly in frustrating situations.
- Check yourself and make sure your motives are not out of manipulation.
- Meet your wife where she is and commit to loving her through all her flaws.
3. He Forgives
Forgiveness is a central aspect of Christ’s love. Even in the moments of betrayal or failure, Christ extends grace. Loving like Christ means forgiving fully and letting go of past wrongs, even when it’s hard.
It’s about building a relationship on a foundation of grace and moving forward without holding grudges. I know I am personally thankful for my wife’s forgiveness for me!
How to Apply It:
Forgiveness can be tough, but it’s essential.
- Address unresolved issues head on with open and honest conversations
- Express your feelings and listen to hers
- Be willing to negotiate and move past resentment
3. He Endures
Christ’s love is steadfast and unchanging. He never gives up on us, even when we stray.
Loving like Christ requires a commitment to endure through challenges, disappointments, and the ups and downs of life. You are sure to meet challenges in your marriage. Loving like Christ means enduring through all life circumstances; not throwing in the towel.
How to Apply It:
- Lean into prayer when time gets tough
- Approach challenges with a mindset of perseverance
- Seek wise counsel and always strive for reconciliation.
4. He is Jealous for It
Christ’s jealousy is not like human jealousy. It’s a pure, righteous desire for our full devotion and love.
He wants what is best for us and doesn’t want us to be distracted or led astray by lesser things. To love like Christ, we must show a protective love that prioritizes the well-being and spiritual health of your wife.
How to Apply It:
- Guard your relationship from distractions or harmful influences
- Prioritize undistracted time with your wife
- Encourage a focus on what truly matters, like faith and family
5. He Doesn't Tolerate Sin
Christ’s love for the Church includes a call to holiness. He doesn’t tolerate sin because it separates us from God and harms our relationship with Him.
To love like Christ, we must hold ourselves and our wife accountable. You and your wife are the perfect accountability partners to live a life that is holy and honorable.
How to Apply It:
- Lovingly address harmful behaviors in your relationships
- Speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and offer support for change
- Model integrity and encourage her to pursue God’s standard of holiness
6. He Died to Himself
Long before Jesus died on the cross, he died to himself. Christ’s whole ministry and purpose on earth was to carry out the will of the Father.
The ultimate expression of Christ’s love is His sacrifice on the cross. He gave everything for the Church, prioritizing our salvation above His own comfort and life. To love like Christ, we must embrace a selfless attitude, putting our wife’s needs before our own.
How to Apply It:
- Sacrificial love isn’t always grand gestures; it’s often found in the small, everyday choices to serve your wife
- Give your time, energy, and resources generously.
- Show love by doing what’s best for her, even when it requires personal sacrifice
Real World Examples of Christ-Like Love
A Husband That Works Hard to Provide for His Family
A husband who wakes up early, works long hours, or takes on extra responsibilities to ensure his family’s needs are met.
A Husband That Takes His Family to Church
A husband who prioritizes faith by leading his family to church shows Christ-like love through spiritual leadership.
A Husband That Invests for the Future
Planning for his family’s future—saving for education, retirement, or emergencies—demonstrates a husband’s wisdom and care.
A Husband That Buys His Wife Gifts
Giving thoughtful gifts, whether small or extravagant, reflects a husband’s intentional love.
A Husband That Says No to Porn
Choosing to reject pornography honors both God and his wife, reflecting Christ-like purity.
A Husband That Holds His Tongue
Practicing self-control in speech, especially during conflicts, mirrors Christ’s patience.
A Husband That Cares for His Kids
Whether it’s helping with homework, playing games, or being a listening ear, a husband who invests in his children reflects Christ’s care for His people.
A Husband That Is Present
Being fully engaged with his family—putting away distractions like work or technology—shows Christ-like attentiveness.
A Husband That Leads by Example
Living with integrity, demonstrating faith, and consistently practicing what he preaches reflect Christ-like leadership.
A Husband That Forgives
Forgiving his wife or children when they make mistakes mirrors Christ’s boundless forgiveness.
