7 Rules of Thumb To Strengthen Your Marriage
By Jimmy Sliwa
There is a lot that society gets wrong about love.
- “All you need is love.”
- “You complete me!”
- “And they lived happily ever after.”
I call this the “Fairy Tale Mindset.” Your whole life you are sold the idea that love is destiny; that when you meet the right person, your life will be complete.
Then reality creeps in like annoying dripping faucet, and you realize that the person you married can really push your buttons.
Or you may even get to the point I was at in my marriage where my wife and I chose to separate for a time so I could get my act together.
What Is The Truth About Love?
Real love develops overtime. It involves failures and mistakes. It gets messy at times, and often you need help from other people.
This doesn’t exactly make for a good movie ending. But the truth is the truth.
And the truth is that real love exists, it just takes some work. And believe me, the work is well worth it.
In this post, I will share with you 7 rules of thumb that will strengthen your relationship.
1. Just Aim for One
Don’t overwhelm yourself by making date night happen all the time. Instead aim for 1 date night per month, 1 overnight per year, and 1 kid-less vacation every 5 years.
2. Practice the 10/2 Principle
Coined by Les and Leslie Parrot, the 10/2 principle is a tool to help resolve conflict before it starts. Basically, when you and your spouse disagree on a decision, ask your spouse to rate the level of importance? Whoever has the higher level of importance gets to have their way on the decision.
Example: “Should we go to my parent’s house or the ball game this weekend?” Wife Response = 8 importance for parents house. Husband Response = 5 importance for the ball game. Wife gets her wishes.
3. Talk Boundaries
Did you know, most couples don’t talk about boundaries until they have been broken? Don’t rely on blind trust to navigate difficult topics. Instead, every couple should have boundaries in place to safeguard their marriage against egregious sins such as infidelity and drug addiction.
Jimmy’s Personal Boundaries:
- Limit myself to 2 drinks when I’m out with friends
- Never spend alone time with females other than family
- Never delete messages or search history
- Give my wife passwords to all credit cards and electronic devices
4. One Grump Rule
We all have bad days. We all have days where we are stressed out and grumpy. This is ok. What is not ok is to have the husband and wife both be grumpy at the same time. The One Grump Rule states: only one spouse can be grumpy at a time. This allows the other to offer support and . The next time that your wife is having an “off” day, don’t stoop down into a pity party
5. Carpe the Calendar
We are all familiar with the quote “Carpe Diem” – Latin for ‘seize the day.’ My main beef with this quote is that it lacks any real application. It’s as if we think just quoting “carpe diem” will actually help us take control of our lives. It doesn’t. It has actually become more of a joke than a helpful idiom. Instead, practical the rule of Carpe the Calendar- “Seize the Calendar” and pen in the most important dates and things in you and your wife’s life. Following this principle gives practical application to seizing your day(s).
6. 1% Rule
Out of 1,440 minutes per day, the average couple spends only 3 minutes in meaningful conversation. If you find that you and your spouse fall into this category then aim for the 1% Rule. The 1% Rules states: aim for 15 minutes per day of meaningful conversation with your spouse. This accounts for a total of 1% of your time each day. As you become more connected, aim to increase the percentage.
7. Rule of No Ultimatums
Ultimatums don’t belong in marriages. They don’t belong because they leave no room for grace. The Rule of No Ultimatums states: do not use the phrase “you always” or “you never“ because it simply isn’t true. Even when you are pissed off, give your spouse grace and avoid these phrases.
