7 Choices You Make That Can Lead to Divorce
By Jimmy Sliwa
No one plans to get divorced, yet the stats don’t lie. According to the CDC, nearly 50% of US marriages end in divorce. Yikes!
Would you and your wife board a spacecraft to the moon if you had the same odds? I know I wouldn’t.
Although the statistics are not surprising, they are deeply saddening.
When two couples recite their vows, their words are infused with love, but equally infused with naivety.
It’s naive to think that your marriage has the foundation it takes to sustain the storms of life.
“Love is All We Need” may make for a great song title, but terrible marriage advice.
Don’t be naive.
Love is NOT all you need. You need to safeguard yourself against poor choices that can lead to divorce.
Be of a sound mound. Realize that there are choices you make today that can lead you towards a lasting marriage or lead you toward divorce.
Below are 7 choices you make that can lead to divorce. Learn them and then avoid them like the plague.
1. You Don't Stick to a Budget
One of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce is serious money issues. In fact, 22% of divorcees state that financial issues were the problem.
I won’t pretend that a having a budget will fix all your money problems, but sticking to a budget might. There are many psychological factors that are at play with spending money. But having no plan at all (no budget) is a sure recipe for disaster.
Another great benefit from creating a budget is that you have to communicate with your wife. Together you decide where the money will go. Creating a budget together is an excellent way to get on the same page as your spouse.
If you need a great free budget app check out Every Dollar App by Dave Ramsey. Get started today!
2. You Are Addicted to Porn
Porn is terrible for your marriage. In fact, this is the reason that my own marriage almost ended in divorce. If you don’t believe porn is terrible for relationships check out this link — > Get The Facts – Fight the New Drug
Porn creates a division between husband and wife. It does this by creating unrealistic sexpectations for your wife. Not to mention that it causes an incredible amount of comparison.
Your wife wants to be the ONLY ONE in your sex life. If you substitute pornography for actual intimate relations with your wife, you are walking down a slippery slope.
3. You Don't Forgive
Harboring resentment against your spouse is a cancer in marriage. You cannot move forward in marriage if you are chained to the past. You need to learn to forgive your wife if she has wronged you. Forgiving is not forgetting. Forgiving is letting go of anger, sadness, and disappointments. Forgiveness actually frees yourself.
And while you are at it, learn to forgive yourself for past mistakes. This is easier said than done. Shame has a way of holding on and showing back up later in life. Work hard at forgiving yourself so that you can break free from unnecessary shame.
4. You Drink to Much Alcohol
Alcohol impairs your judgment. Drinking too much alcohol can impair your relationship.
How?
You become a different person when you drink. Your wife didn’t marry drunk you; she married the sober version. Be of a sound mind and avoid drinking too much alcohol. I am not anti-alcohol, but I believe there is a limit.
How much alcohol is too much? Only you can make that decision. Maybe even include your spouse in the decision-making process. Find your limit and live within reason.
5. You Quit Pursuing Your Spouse
You get what you chase after. If you pursue your spouse, you will foster a romantic relationship. If you quit pursuing your spouse, you will lose the romance.
It’s like a fire. You have to continue to feed the flame to keep the romance burning. Complacency is the enemy of an exhilarating marriage.
If you struggle with complacency in marriage then sign up for our weekly emails. These include a call to action that is sure to keep the romance alive.
6. You Are a Workaholic
Working too much can crush your intimacy. A spouse that works too much shows that their priorities are out of whack. Where you invest your time is where you invest your life.
If you invest all your time chasing after money, then your wife will start to think that money is the most important thing. Don’t rob your wife of emotional intimacy – learn to have a work life balance.
7. You Drift Apart
All you have to do to drift apart is nothing. If two boats are not anchored to one another, they will slowly drift apart. Complacency is a silent killer in marriage. Simply by doing nothing at all will cause you to drift apart from your spouse. This is where intentionality comes into play. You need to be intentional with how you love your wife.
Intentional means practical. Do practical things to draw you close to your wife. This list is a great starting point – 31 Acts of Modern Chivalry – The Husband’s Club (thehusbandsclub.com)
Did you notice a theme?
You have a choice! You have control whether or not you make decisions for a lasting marriage or decisions that may put the relationship in jeopardy.
If you find yourself in any of these categories, it’s time to make a change today.
—— I had to make some serious changes in my life. I had to quit pornography and make pursuing my wife a priority again. — —
What can you work on?
It’s not too late to change course and blaze a trail towards a lasting marriage.
It is never too late!
It takes tons of hard work, and it takes good communication. Sit down with your wife and get on the same page today.
- If you need to ask for forgiveness than ask.
- If you need to make an action plan then act.
- If you need to quit a bad habit then start fighting today.
- If you need to quit complacency, then join The Husbands Club.
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