5 Practical Activities to Improve Communication
By Jimmy Sliwa
It’s no secret that communication is vital to a lasting marriage. Many “good” marriages have eroded due to poor communication skills.
Communication, both verbal and non-verbal, is critical for a healthy marriage. There really is no other way to express your wants and needs than to talk about it.
It is a two-way street. With healthy communication, the husband and wife both have opportunities to express what they are feeling. Left unchecked however, poor communication skills will lead you to drift apart from your spouse.
I find it interesting that in modern marriage culture it’s harder to connect despite having technology. We have texting, email, voicemail, and social media, and yet it is much harder to connect on a personal level.
****Think about it.*****
Before there were cell phones and wifi, you couldn’t communicate with your wife all day long. That means no phone calls or texting.
You kissed your wife goodbye before bolting off to work, and then didn’t see her again until you got home at 5pm.
Now with modern conveniences like the cell phone or Facebook messaging, we can have conversations with our spouse all day long.
Still-communication issues are the number 1 leading causes of divorce in 65% of marriages. Communication is something that we have to get right if we are to stay in a healthy and vibrant marriage.
I believe this breakdown of communication is because we lack face to face communication skills. We let our marriages drift apart because communication becomes less of a priority.
Good communication involves speaking and active listening.
For husbands, good speaking means that we need to learn to decipher our emotions and let them be known. We have to tell our wife when we feel happy, sad, frustrated, or horny. This makes us vulnerable. But vulnerability allows our wife to fill the voids in our life and also celebrate the wins.
For wife’s this means that there shouldn’t be finger pointing when you are trying to get a point across. Avoid the phrase “you always” or “you never.” These accusatory remarks are not effective for sharing emotions, they will be interpreted by your spouse as attacks.
Instead say things like “I feel” (sad, overwhelmed, frustrated etc….). This takes the accusation off the spouse and lets them attend to your needs.
In addition to speaking our mind, both husband and wife need to actively listen. Active listening is the best strategy to enhance communication. Active listening involves a 5-step approach to communicating: Listen, re-phrase, reflect, empathy, action.
The key part that most husbands miss is the “rephrase.” Many husbands go right into ‘fixing’ the problem.
We jump right from listening to action without rephrasing and really understanding our spouse.
*****Don’t try to fix the problem….Aim to understand it.******
The issue is that most emotional problems can NOT be fixed. Instead, your wife is looking to process her emotions. So avoid trying to fix the problem first. When a discussion arises with your wife aim to re-phrase and reflect. I believe this approach to communication in marriage will greatly improve your bond.
Below are 5 very practical ways to improve communication in your marriage.
5 Activities to Improve Communication
Eat Dinner at the Table
Where you eat dinner can either have a positive or negative impact on communication. You can choose to eat on the couch while binge watching Netflix or you can be intentional and eat at the dinner table.
Eating at the dinner table promotes undistracted communication. Choose to eat at least 3 meals a week at the dinner table.
Go to bed at the same time
There is no better way to unwind from the day than to go to bed with your spouse. Unfortunately, many couples fall asleep at different times. This is a golden opportunity missed as bedtime can be the most undistracted moments of the entire day.
Aim to go to bed with your spouse and limit the cell phone use before bedtime.
play a board game weekly
Go Fish, Monopoly, Scabble….it doesn’t really matter the game. What matters is that you have to communicate when you play a board game with your spouse. A board game trumps Netflix in the communcation category every time.
go for a walk
The best way to get a guy to open up and talk is to have a conversation while sharing an activity. Guys are more willing to be vulnerable when they are sharing an activity. Going for a walk is an excellent way to foster deep conversation at a leisure pace.
get a family calendar
Not all communication is verbal. Communication can come in written form as well. Having a family calendar helps to keep husband and wife on the same page. Being on the same page is step one for good communication.
