11 Marriage Myth Busters Exposed
By Jimmy Sliwa
Was marriage what you thought it would be?
I think if we are honest with ourselves, marriage doesn’t always live up to our expectations.
I mean, the honeymoon stage was great, but between the bickering and wads of hair left on the shower wall; marriage hasn’t always met my expectations.
Part of the unmet expectations was that I believed some myths about marriage.
I wonder if you believe any of these lies about marriage?
Myth 1: Small Secrets are Ok
Trust is the currency of marriage. Don’t bankrupt your trust by keeping secrets from your spouse; no matter how small the secret may be. Even seemingly small secrets, like hiding credit card debt, can cause great division in your marriage.
You should place trust as one of the most valued qualities in your marriage. Once trust is lost it is so challenging to earn it back. George MacDonald said it best; “Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.” Don’t lose a trusting relationship by keeping secrets from your wife.
Myth 2: It's the Thought That Counts
It’s actually not the thought that counts. It’s the follow through that matters. Romance requires action. A thought without follow through is like giving an empty box as a Christmas gift. It will only lead to disappointment.
So, if you have a great thought to romance your wife, make sure that it happens. Put forethought and planning into date night and gifts. Sometimes simple is best. Don’t feel that you have to go overboard in the romance department. Just aim to make small thoughtful gestures a part of your daily routine.
Myth 3: Porn Will Spice Up My Love Life
Porn won’t improve your sex life; it will actually destroy it. Even if your wife agreed to it; it is still not a good idea. It is addictive, depressive, and has shown to decrease libido over time. You don’t have to take our word for it.
5 Ways Porn Can Affect Your Brain, Body, and Quality of Life (fightthenewdrug.org)
Myth 4: You Should Never Fight In Front of the Kids
Since I believed this myth, I tried to hush disagreement whenever our kids were around. I didn’t want them to see mom and dad ‘fighting.’
The reality is that your children need to see what healthy conflict looks like. Yes it’s true, you shouldn’t yell or demean your spouse in front of your kids, but it is ok to disagree and argue. Just be sure they see mom and dad compromise and ask for forgiveness. That way they will learn to fight fair too. How else do you expect your children to learn how to handle conflict in a healthy manner?
Myth 5: My Marriage is Immune From an Affair
No marriage is immune from an affair. In fact, most affairs happen unexpectedly. I mean, no one gets married and plans to have an affair; it happens over a slow fade. Don’t fall for the lie that you are immune from egregious sins such as an affair. Many a men have fallen victim to the promiscuous woman because their guard was let down. Don’t let your guard down.
I love this quote and think its a great reminder to keep my defenses up: “With God all things are possible. Without God, all sin is possible.”
Myth 6: Counseling is for Couples With Serious Issues
Unfortunately, many couples wait until the brink of divorce before seeking marriage counseling. This is often a late start. Counseling is a great tool for couples that simply feel stuck or in a rut. In couples therapy, you can learn tools of coping and communication that can save you future heartache.
For me, marriage counseling helped me to connect with my wife on an emotional level. It gave me a better perspective of what my wife was going through and gave me tools on how to hear her heart.
Myth 7: She Just Isn't the Same Girl I Married
The person you married will change. This is actually a good thing and should be embraced. Your wife will change as she matures and experiences life. Embrace the change and get to know the new sides of your bride.
I noticed the greatest change in my wife after she gave birth to our son. My wife traded her identity for changing poopy diapers. Although the change brought along challenges such as post-partum depression, I had the opportunity to see my wife pour out her heart and soul into a new life that we created. I have more admiration for my wife now than on the day that we got married.
Myth 8: Having Children Will Soften My Spouse
Children are wonderful but take a lot of time and effort to raise. Sometimes couples believe that having children will help to soften their spouse or bring positive change in their spouse. The reality is that children often expose our weaknesses.
For me, having children tested my patience. I realized how impatient I was the day that my son told me I should put my phone down and play with him more.
Having children is a wonderful thing and help to sanctify you. But along with the sanctification come challenges. Working through the challenging times with your spouse will bring out genuine character.
Myth 9: Opposites Attract
When I was dating my wife, I was concerned that we were too similar because I thought “opposites attract.” My dad calmed my worries by sharing that boys and girls have enough differences on their own.
The reality is that marriage is easiest when you have similarities; at least on the big-ticket items such as religion, politics, and parenting styles.
Yes, opposite personalities might attract but the more common ground you share with your wife, the better.
Myth 10: It's Bad to Go to Bed Angry
I use to think that going to bed angry was wrong. After all, Ephesians 4:26-27 states, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
The reality is that it is impossible to solve every marital problem in the evening. Some disagreements require a timeout. Sometimes “sleeping on it” will help you relax and wake up with a fresh perspective on the issue at hand. Taking a break after a heated discussion is often a good idea.
Certainly, it is good to solve problems before going to bed, but if you and your wife are unable to see eye to eye don’t feel bad taking a break and resuming the conversation in the morning after some rest. Just make sure that you do have the conversation and it doesn’t get swept under the rug.
Myth 11: Sex Gets Mundane in Marriage
This is a sad myth that some couples believe. The truth is that married sex is the best sex. Why? Because as opposed to pre-marital sex, married sex strengthens the covenant bond between two committed people. There is no shame, guilt, or fear of pregnancy or STD.
Sex in marriage can actually get better over time. It is nice to know that couples in lasting marriages have more frequent sex on average then dating couples.
Of course, sex can become routine if you don’t prioritize variety. If you feel that sex has become mundane in your marriage, you ought to talk about it with your spouse.
Being super vulnerable and talking about sex can do wonders for your sex life. As you learn to have open conversations regarding physical intimacy, you will begin to cultivate a sexual relationship that is satisfying and lasting.
