9 Best Tips to Avoid the Doghouse
By Jimmy Sliwa
Have you ever disappointed your wife and found yourself in a tense conversation about your lack of thoughtfulness?
Maybe you got the silent treatment or had to sleep on the couch.
If you have been there, then I welcome you to the doghouse.
The doghouse is a metaphor for a state of disfavor in your relationship because expectations were unmet.
It happens to all marriages. Two people doing life are bound to disappoint each other. Don’t hang your head!
*** And to be clear the doghouse can actually swing both ways; women can pay a visit to the doghouse as well.
Although all husbands experience the doghouse from time-to-time, it is possible to avoid all together.
In this post, I will give you 9 ways to avoid the doghouse. Master these tips and you will look like seasoned husband.
But first… A look inside the doghouse.
A Look Inside the Doghouse
9 Ways to Avoid the Doghouse
1. Set Important Dates in Your Calendar
The quickest way to find yourself in the doghouse is to forget an important date. There are a lot of days to remember: Your anniversary, her birthday, Valentine’s Day. The absolute best way to avoid the doghouse is to set reminders in your phone right now!
- Take 5 minutes and set reminders in your phone. Here is a list of the big days to remember: Anniversary, Her Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Kids Birthdays, Christmas, .
Brownie Points: Schedule in a regular (monthly) date night to score extra points with your wife.
2. Create an Ongoing Gift List
To avoid buying last-minute Christmas gifts, I keep a year-round list of gift ideas on my phone. Whenever I catch my wife say, “I like this ________,” I try to put that gift idea in my phone. This serves as a go-to list for whenever I need a gift idea. No more scratching your head wondering what gift you should by.
3. Avoid These Phrases
1. “I understand” – most likely you don’t understand
2. “You are Overreacting” – this invalidates her feelings
3. “You Always” or “You Never.” – extreme descriptors leave no room for grace
4. Don't Defend What You Did
If you upset your wife, don’t defend what you did. Defending your wrongdoings will NOT smooth over the situation. Instead by defending yourself you will offend your wife. Instead of defending yourself, try to see her perspective.
This is super hard, but well worth it!
In the moment when you feel like your wife is accusing you, slow yourself down. Take a deep breath and try to gain her perspective on the situation.
5. Don't Ask "What's Wrong!"
If you can tell that something is bothering your wife don’t ask her “What’s Wrong with You?”
Try this instead. “I can see you seem upset/frustrated, is there something that you want to talk about?”
See the difference?
6. Do What You Say You Will Do - on time.
If you say you will do something, make sure you do it. Better yet tell your wife when you will get to it.
For Example: If you are planning to fold the laundry after the football game, tell your wife specifically when you will get to the task.
This small trick helps to keep you and your wife on the same page.
7. Let Her Know if Plans Change
Plans change. It’s no big deal. Just keep your wife in the loop when your plans change.
Clear communication will keep you from disappointing your wife. If you fail to communicate when plans change, you run the risk of frustrating your wife.
8. Share the Responsibility of Kids
If you have kids be sure to share the responsibility. This may seem like a no-brainer but sometimes is harder to put into practice. Typically, children will be drawn to their mother due to her nurturing side.
Don’t let mom take the brunt of the responsibility. Give her a break from the kids by changing diapers, taking them out to play, and prepping meals for them. They are your kids after all.
9. Don't Leave Your Wife's Tank Empty
If you use your wife’s car, don’t leave the tank on empty. It’s the kind and thoughtful thing to fill her car back up so that she doesn’t have too. This is also a metaphor for life. Don’t leave your wife’s tank on empty. If she is tired and stressed out, pay attention. If you see her and attend to her needs you will metaphorically be filling up her tank.
Often, it’s the small and subtle gestures that will keep your relationship humming along in good standing.
